[C*UUYAN-Chat] Small Group Ministries and Covenant Groups

[Karla Addesso]

Adrian,

I've been the facilitator of a CG for nearly three years. I also 
facilitate a CG for teens at my Fellowship. Some thoughts on your email, 
though I'm not really sure what your question is...

It appears to me that only people who've never been in CGs think of them 
as cliquey. We have ~270 members at our fellowship and MANY more 
friends, we also have about 12 Adult CGs and 2 Youth CGs and I doubt 
many non-CG members would even know which of their many friends are in 
one (unless they sing their CG's praises often).  I don't know what size 
your congregation is, but there reaches a point where you cannot and 
will not know, see, or speak to every other member and friend that walks 
through the door.

CGs are ways to build relationships within the larger community and 
there are many different ways of using them. In some congregations the 
CGs are temporary (that is they only meet for 6 mo-1 year and then 
scramble so you can meet and get to know new people). We have just set 
up a 'new member' CG that centers around defining new member's personal 
gifts and interests. It is a way to get new members immediately involved 
with the Fellowship, have contact with established members, and identify 
what interests they have that match the spiritual, social and service 
aspects of our congregation. It is a 6 month program only. New members 
can then join open CGs if they desire. Even in permanently established 
CGs, new people move in and out over the years. We've had a dozen or 
more people come and go through mine, mostly people who've moved away to 
other cities and new members who took their seats.

As for the word 'closed' we use the word 'full' because it's less 
aggressive and also implies that when we become un- full, we will once 
again accept new members.

If you've never been in a CG it is difficult to explain why this is 
important, but I'll try. A CG is NOT a discussion group. That is point 
number one. It includes discussion, yes, but it is not an 'open to 
anyone who walks in and wants to analyze the latest Iraq poll or Climate 
Change publication' kind of discussion. The topics are not cerebral but 
emotionally meaningful. If we talk about Jesus, I don't care if you went 
to seminary school and can quote every theologian's ideas of who that 
man might have been. I want to know your thoughts, feelings, memories of 
Sunday school, what you were raised to believe and why you don't or DO 
believe it anymore. It is not about what you know but how you feel about 
it. That is a very difficult distinction for most people to make. It is 
not easy to tell people in an honest voice how you feel about sensitive 
subjects. It takes trust. Bottom line is, I feel comfortable crying in 
front of my CG if I am so moved. You cannot build that kind of intimate 
trust with 20 people in the room or with individuals that rarely show up.

In addition, CGs have a very particular format in which each individual 
speaks and everyone else stays silent and listens. If you give even 5 
minutes to each person, you soon find that 10 people has got you at 
close to an hour and we haven't even gotten to the discussion yet 
because no one is permitted to comment on what someone else said yet. 
Add to this 2 minutes per person for a check in, 1 minute for check out, 
a chalice lighting and extinguishing ritual and you are left with about 
15-30 minutes (for a 2h CG) for any type of meaningful crosstalk.

You may not want to use the word 'closed' but it amounts to the same 
thing, you can't PRACTICE small group ministry if there are too many 
people in the room.

I also don't think CGs are for extroverts. I have several good friends 
who are in CGs. They are often the last to speak and speak only once or 
twice. They are also the type of people that have difficulty sharing 
their thoughts in large groups, hence CGs allow them to say things they 
would normally stay silent about.

As for monitoring those who aren't coming, I have never found this to be 
a problem with my group. We make a covenant when we form saying we will 
be here at this time on this day as long as we are not dead, ill or in 
another part of the world (not literally, but you get the idea). It's 
just like saying, I'm taking a class or going to work, that time is 
slotted for this activity and that is what you have committed to do.

Most of the time, when people are not coming to a CG it is for a 
legitimate reason. It is up to the facilitator to discover that reason 
and respond appropriately. My fiance found that he had to teach a 
college class on Monday nights for an entire semester and would not be 
able to come, so he took a hiatus. We have one member who is chronically 
ill and another member checks up on him to see if he is strong enough to 
attend, and if not, we get a report on how he is doing.  If someone 
doesn't want to participate anymore it is better to ask them about their 
attendance and give them the opportunity to bow out gracefully. If there 
are more people who want to get into CGs and they can't commit, believe 
me, they will understand. That is what the Covenant in covenant groups 
is all about.

I'm not sure if I addressed your many questions. I hope so. On one final 
note I'll tell you this. My CG has members ranging across the map in 
ages. When the group began I became the facilitator. At the age of 25, I 
was the youngest member of the group. We have members in their 20's, 
30's, 40's, 50's, 60's and 70's. Not to be ageist, but this is genuinely 
the only opportunity I have to seriously discuss life events with men 
and women 3x my age. I don't hang out with these folks on Friday nights. 
I probably wouldn't know half of them if they weren't in my CG and I 
feel blessed for being given the opportunity to know and learn from them.

That's all I have for now.

Karla


Adrian Winchell wrote:

>I gotta question. Seems my local congregation focuses pretty heavily on 
>covenant groups.
>
>And is thoroughly unable to describe them properly.
>
>I've been hopping about to various sites about them, and get this...I 
>dunno, sorta "icky-cliquey" vibe from the descriptions I'm reading. 
>Either that or an "extroverts support group" :P
>
>Some of the stuff I've reading also suggests making decisions about 
>"When do we close people out? When do we tell people they haven't been 
>here enough to come back?" - now, I've read stuff from the Foundation 
>for Community Encouragement, and understand the necessity of this - but 
>it still seems worded awfully coldly. Maybe I just like cycles and 
>coping mechanisms rather than closed doors, but it seems that the 
>questions "how often do we want to reopen and reform the group?" and 
>"How do we handle someone who is falling away from the group?" would be 
>more productive.
>
>Anyone done this sorta thing? Have any recommendations? Horror stories? 
>Celebrations? Reassurances? Tips?
>
>Thanks in advance,
>Adrian
>
>(PS: CUUYAN-Chat is set up so that replies will come only to the sender 
>you're replying to - you'll need to add the cuuyan-chat address to the 
>sender list on the reply if you want the entire list to see it.)
>  
>

-- 
PhD Candidate
University of Florida
Entomology & Nematology Dept.
P.O. Box 110620
Gainesville, FL 32611



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